Tag Archives: Boris

The Noticeboard Daily

When I was 17 years old, I wrote for the student newspaper at Varndean Sixth Form College in Brighton. It was called The Bernard, after Bernard Butler from Suede. We were never sure how this happened. It was edited by a nice chap called Tom, who probably ended up going to a fancy university and being incredibly successful. My friend Rob and I took it upon ourselves to squeeze as much puerile, pointless and irrelevant bullshit into the magazine as possible. Tom was too nice to stop us, but you could see the conflict behind his eyes. He clearly envisaged a proper student newspaper with politics, poetry, reviews and so on. We submitted reviews of ‘Alco-fish’, exposes of radiation leaks from the photocopier in the library and hastily drawn posters of tiny mammoths scaling daisies. He must have hated us. But, he was nice and a bit posh and he let us get away with it.

Fast forward fifteen years. Tom is probably editing the Times or something. I dunno, I can’t remember his surname. I am still producing puerile bullshit for no money, but now describing it as political satire. Somewhere out there, a new generation of Toms is bunkering down and preparing to overtake those of us who spent our youth properly, with drugs and that.

Well, it’s happening already. I’ve been tracked down on social media and talked into contributing to a political commentary website by someone who should really be sitting in the park taking acid and drinking cider. I’ve never met him and know nothing about him, but I suspect he’s nice and a bit posh, will go to a fancy university and will be wildly successful in 15 years while I continue producing puerile bullshit for no money. Feel free to visit The Noticeboard Daily and mutter bitterly about the precociousness of youth. I’ve got a cartoon on there (also below), plus you can write abusive comments under an article written by a Tory MP.

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Back from cartoon limbo…

So, following a four year break from cartooning, I’ve been lulled out of retirement. Partly because the exciting office job that drew me away from drawing turned out to be, well, an office job. Partly because Twitter now exists, so people might actually see my work. Partly because I now have a computer that won’t freeze for ten minutes every time I try to draw a line. Mostly though, it’s thanks to the catastrophic attack of amnesia and stupidity that led the befuddled masses of Britain to elect Cameron’s army of salivating ghouls to parliament, allowing them to resume their campaign of victimising the weak and selling off the nation’s few remaining assets. I don’t expect to bring down the government with cartoons, but if I can make just one Tory or Lib Dem voter think to him or herself, “Yeah, what a fucking ridiculous arsehole I was to vote for these parasitic, privileged, self righteous, thieving, corrupt, chinless wraiths” then my work will be done.

 

If you are not one of the seven or eight people who saw my stuff last time I bothered doing anything, here are some examples of old cartoons:

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From when Boris Johnson was actually elected to be in charge of a proper capital city.

 

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From when Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall did stuff to chickens.

 

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From when the Olympics made everyone realise China existed.

 

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From when Blair’s insanely delusional self regard brought on the terrifying speculation that he might end up being President of Europe.

 

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From when lizard creatures invaded.

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